~The chronicles of a Panamanian-DMV Princess~

~Scroll down for the most current posts~

I was born in the congo
I walked to the fertile crescent and built
    the sphinx

Bienvenue!

I designed a pyramid so tough that a star
    that only glows every one hundred years falls
    into the center giving divine perfect light
I am bad

I sat on the throne
    drinking nectar with allah
I got hot and sent an ice age to europe
    to cool my thirst
My oldest daughter is nefertiti
    the tears from my birth pains
    created the nile
I am a beautiful woman

I gazed on the forest and burned
    out the sahara desert
    with a packet of goat's meat

    and a change of clothes
I crossed it in two hours
I am a gazelle so swift
    so swift you can't catch me

  My son noah built new/ark and
I stood proudly at the helm
    as we sailed on a soft summer day
I turned myself into myself and was
    jesus
    men intone my loving name
    All praises All praises
I am the one who would save

I sowed diamonds in my back yard
My bowels deliver uranium
    the filings from my fingernails are
    semi-precious jewels
    On a trip north
I caught a cold and blew
My nose giving oil to the arab world
I am so hip even my errors are correct
I sailed west to reach east and had to round off
    the earth as I went
    The hair from my head thinned and gold was laid
    across three continents

I am so perfect so divine so ethereal so surreal
I cannot be comprehended except by my permission

I mean...I...can fly
    like a bird in the sky... 

         ~N. Giovanni

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~Thirty life lessons I've learned by thirty~

(& the people who've shared these lessons with me)

30. Learn the balance between striving to be more and being content with where you are. (Em)

29.  Never confuse age with wisdom.  There are brilliant 20 year olds and ditzy 49 year olds. (Bonnie)

28.  Don't judge a man by what he has, but how he lives.  (Sonia)

27.  Never rate how well you're doing by how bad someone else is doing.  (Allen)

26.  Just because someone's views are different doesn't make them any less spiritual, intelligent, mature, etc. (Jo)

25.  Everyone in your life is not meant to be there forever.  Just treasure that time with them and move on. (Jonathan)

24.  It's better to be single than stuck.  (A married woman who opts to remain anonymous)

23.  Love doesn't come in a certain shade.  If you find someone who loves you & you love them, who cares what anyone else has to say!  (Caveat-if a guy is intrigued with you simply because you're Black, Asian, Hispanic, etc. walk RUN!) (Cheryl)

22.  It's impossible to compliment a child too much.  Always tell children how wonderful they are.  They need to hear it and they'll remember it.  (Tim)

21.  Complimenting another woman doesn't make you less attractive.  Encourage appreciation and not competition. (Mom)

20.  Sanity is overrated. (the voices)

19.  Surround yourself with positive energy. (Nisi)

18.Never talk yourself into liking someone.  If the connection isn't there, it never will be.  (Em)

17.  It doesn't matter if you marry a millionare, have a skill so you can take care of yourself.  Men treat you differently when they know you have the capability to leave.  (Mom)

 16.  To aspire to be a "kept woman" it is to aspire to be prostitute. (Tia)

Sunflower

14.  Never lend money you con't afford to lose. (Tia G.)

13.  "Songs in the Key of Life" really is the best album ever made. (Mom)

11. Whenever you have a gut feeling to visit someone, follow that feeling.  Chances are you're just the person they need to see. (Helen)

10.  You may never have a supermodel's body, but that's not reason not to work what you've got.  (LaVera)

9.  Always humble yourself before God has to do it for you.  (Mom)

8.  Spiritually, live as if this system will end tomorrow.  Financially, live as if this system will last another hundred years. (Penny)

7.  Travel. Go see that there's more to the world than where you're from.  (Dad)

6.  Remember the mountains.  Then you'll always put your problems in the proper perspective.  (Papa Sitka, while we we were hiking the Alps)

5.  Always be proud of who you are and where you came from (Tia Luz)

4.  Never try to walk to the beat of someone else's drum.  (James)

3.  At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what anyone thinks.  It's between you and the Sovereign.

2.  Never leave God.  When a person leaves God, they lose everything they were ever hoping to find. (Mike)

1.  No one has to understand why you do what you do.  Just DO YOU.  (Sammy)

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Fearless

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This just about sums it up

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   "I see dead people." This is what my coworker told me one night, and I'm forever grateful that she did.

   It occurred many years ago when I was a hospital nurses' aid working the graveyard shift (7pm-7am). I'd go to work, shower, then go to class.  Til today I don't know how I survived. (I wouldn't recommend it).  Besides the off the wall schedule, which led to chronically sleep deprived employees, nightshift is different in another way.  Nightshift workers bare their souls.  I always believed that the stillness of night coupled with the ridiculous amount of time to kill lent itself to this peculiarity.  We shared our beliefs, our dreams, our secrets, and our fears.  When we exhausted our own life stories, we'd divulge those of our family and friends. 

   I was the "baby" of my coworkers, the youngest by about ten years.  During those nightly group discussions, my prime responsibility was to listen.  "Listen and learn, small fry", was the constant command directed towards me.  Everyone has stories and life lessons they yearn to pass on, if only they had an audience.  Being the youngest, I had on choice but to serve as that captive audience.

   On one such night my coworker, Ange & I were sent to work on th psych ward.  I remember never being able to tell Ange's age.  She had a hard face that hinted to an even harder life.  Past the exterior, Ange was warm, fun loving and a bonafide movie buff.  Her philosophies and experiences were always filtered through her beloved movies.

  By about 3am, besides the constant low hum of patients whispering secrets to others who only existed in their minds, the psych ward was quiet.  So, as usual, we talked.  After exhausting a variety of topics, we spoke about life in general-what we thought about it, what we expect of it, how it treats us, how we treat it.  There was nothing unusual about our conversation.  Just the typical, sometimes profound sometimes silly exchanges of two drowsy coworkers.   This was until Ange looked at me with a sudden jolt of alertness and said, "You wanna know something? I see dead people."

   I laughed nervously while she continued to look at me intensely and seriously.  After quickly saying a private prayer I reminded her that 1. It was 3 o'clock in the morning 2. We were the only people with full mental capacity on the ward ( the nurse in the breakroom talking to herself did not count) 3. We were stuck on the secured (i.e. locked) psych ward.  This was not the time to share this little gem of information about herself.

Dorothy in the poppyfields

  Ange's stare turned from intense to disbelief.  "It's a good thing we're on the psych ward," she said between laughs, "'cause you need help!  I didn't mean like that!  I'm talkin' about people I see everyday sleepwalking through their own lives!  On the outside, sure they're alive with their cars and houses and big degrees.  But inside, where it counts, they're as dead as can be.  They had all these dreams and goals, but somewhere along the way, they got drowsy.  They couldn't remember their dreams if you asked them.  Just like Dorothy on her way to that Emerald City.  Girlfriend was almost there, then what happens?  She ends up in that poppyfield and that's all she wrote."  I wanted to mention that to my recollection that wasn't where the story ended, but something told me to keep my mouth shut.

   "I'm not the only person that sees dead people," Ange continued, "you see them, too." "Girl, we're surrounded by dead people.  It's a shame they see life as boring and ordinary, when in reality, life is extraordinary.  Promise me, small fry, promise me you won't end up like Dorothy.  Whatever you do, wherever you go, remember to stay awake.  While you've got life, small fry, don't forget to live."

   I promised.

   Years have passed since that night and I've learned many more life lessons.  Yet, it's Ange's lesson that sticks with me.  To an extent, it serves as a litmus test to how I'm treating my life.  The meaning of her words have expanded.  So far life has taught me that "staying awake"  means:

• Never living unconsciously
• Continuously opening myself up to discovery
• Realizing that it's not what I'm doing that's important.  It's what I'm being.
• Taking time to open my eyes. To see and experience what is around me and to react with more than just a customary nod.

   This is the reason for my blog.  To honor life, love and the memory on Ange.  The lady who inspired me to always find the extraordinary in the ordinary. ~Nika

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